Dear you,
I didn’t want to be here. In 2020, I believed that no one would miss me, I believed that no one would care anymore if I was gone. It doesn’t seem real saying that now but it was. Living felt distant to me then.
How wrong I was. Since then, I bought a house, got married, saw my friends have beautiful children, got a promotion at work, visited the world, supported my parents & friends through good times & hard times. Lived. Lived more than I ever have before actually. And I was there.
But most of all, I realised I am wanted. It took some time, counselling, and learning how to push back against those thoughts. But I soon realised my thoughts weren’t always telling the truth. I also saw it in how others cared about me.
My husband, my mum & dad, my friends. Over time, I began to see what I meant. What my absence might have meant. Cruel crossroads really.
I have the tools that help me manage it now. Living can feel like one choice at a crossroads, and for me, the journey has been meaningful. And see if you turn around, your support is closer than you realise. If you can, reaching out can help.
Love,
Nicola